WMT: The Friend Zone!

I loved this episode of Scrubs Season 1. The visualization of the infamous “Friend Zone” was hilarious and metaphorically correct. So, what do men think of the friend zone? Well, it really depends on the man. While most men want to avoid it at all costs, others are quite comfortable in escaping this “Dater’s Alcatraz”. Women usually place you in the “Friend Zone” within the first few weeks of meeting you. If they aren’t attracted to you in any way, shape or form, it might happen as soon as 30 seconds. Some women flirt with the idea of a romantic relationship for a bit longer.

So, what can men do to avoid the “Friend Zone”? Simple. Be assertive! Make your intentions clear, but not in a creepy, stalker way. Be casual and natural, not intense and cheesy. Women are always wary of men’s intentions, so you don’t have to be overtly obvious. They are analyzing your every move and word. Seriously. Every word. A playful remark goes farther a physical grope. Trust me. Once you’ve made your intentions clear, the women will be sure to let you know how she feels about this (when she figures it out). She will start with subtle communication and increase her intensity until she feels her message is communicated. The whole “She led me on” excuse is bogus. Men, be perceptive. Sadly, so many men are not perceptive that some women have resorted to skipping the subtleties and moving on to a rude remark or action.

Women. Lets talk about the men that inhabit your Friend Zone and discuss whether or not they are “Safe”:
Very Safe——Safe——Neutral——Risky——Very Risky

These are generalized statements. There are exceptions to every rule. However, not everyone is an exception.

LIKE A BROTHER:
This is a guy that you have known for an extended period of time. You probably wore diapers together or played with at recess in grammar school. We will qualify this friend as someone you met before high school. He knows of your past relationships. He knows your family. He knows your secret craziness or bitchiness. He knows everything about you, except what you look like naked. How safe is this guy? Safe. If he didn’t notice you were a female during his raging hormonal period of adolescence, he most likely won’t be attracted to you now. You have an established relationship and you can count on him to be an actually platonic friend.

THE GAY FRIEND:
Very Safe. No explanation needed right?

“WE ALMOST DATED BUT DIDN’T” FRIEND:
Whether spoken or unspoken, there were mutual feelings at some point in time. However, the moment passed and you found comfort in each other’s company as friends. You both enjoy eating the occasional dinner together and have no issues relying on each other as a reliable back-up date for a public event. Neutral. If a guy was attracted to you at some point in time, he has no idea if it will flare up again. Its really unpredictable. However, he stopped for a reason the first time, so you have some what of a barrier there. Boundaries should be established and observed. Safety first.

HE USED TO LIKE ME FRIEND:
a) He still likes you. b) He could still like you if he wanted. VERY RISKY. Enough said.

THE EX:
The Ex is a great friend. You’ve shared intimate time together, so there is a level of comfort established. Risk level? Risky. You broke up, so you know it doesn’t work between the two of you. However, you were in a relationship at one point. You are playing with fire here. Nostalgia, alcohol, and loneliness will spell disaster for this friendship.

THE FRIEND’S EX:
That great guy that dated a close friend, but it didn’t work out. You spent a lot of time counseling him during his relationship with your friend. In spite of the break-up, you still remain close to this guy and hold him in high esteem. Very Risky. Surprise! One or both of you are lying. There’s an attraction there and the only barrier holding you back is guilt.

DEFINITE NO ATTRACTION FRIEND:
You definitely don’t find him attractive. He definitely doesn’t find you attractive. Its totally clear. ABSOLUTELY NO SEXUALITY. This classification is not complicated. You just know. If you don’t know for sure… wrong classification. Very Safe.

THERE ARE SO MANY MORE LABELS AND SCENARIOS. THE FRIEND ZONE IS A COMPLICATED PLACE AND AN ENTIRE BOOK COULD BE WRITTEN ON IT (AND HAS), BUT I HOPE THIS WAS HELPFUL.

** I’m laughing right now as I imagine my female friends reading this. WMT is always the exception…. or am I? =P