What men think, when you tell them… (part I)

You went on a date with a new man. The date seemed to have gone extremely well. He talked. You laughed. Hands gently grazed. So why isn’t he calling you back? Ever had a guy stop calling you or have a sudden change of heart? Men have a number of “Red Flag” phrases. As soon as we hear one of these topics or phrases come up, we disconnect and pull the ejection cords. Although you did not mean to convey the message, men will most assuredly internalize it in that way.

1. Talking about an ex-lover, boyfriend, husband, fling, date, etc. in any way. Whether you praise them, criticize them, briefly mention them, it really doesn’t matter. RED FLAG! When a man hears you speak about an ex, he will automatically suspect or think that you are not over that person. You are “that girl with a lot of emotional baggage”. Now, this can draw a man in as well. There are those “Captain Save a Hoe” men out there. Unfortunately, their desire to “save” a girl is usually driven by insecurity and a need to feel in control.
2. Talking about your desire or lack of desire to have children. I’m sure there are men who want to talk about that right away. They may be as excited to share as you are. BUT the majority of men don’t want to hear this from anyone unless it is their wife or fiance. Only discuss this when marriage has been agreed upon. Even then, some men will bolt when confronted with this subject. Now, some of you may be saying, “It’s just like a man to run from responsibility!” WRONG! Men have a natural desire to provide and be responsible. The reason they run is because they don’t feel prepared. Men like to have their ducks in a row before they start talking about a family. If a man can’t provide for his family, he will feel powerless and emasculated. Sometimes, a man will feel so impotent it hinders his sexual performance (and yes! become impotent in the sexual context).
3. Asking questions that probe finances. Women will almost always ask a man about his work or job. This is the only question you should ask in reference to his career. Don’t ask about salary, 401k, properties, etc. A man will gladly tell you this stuff if he is proud of it or wishes to share it. If you push hard on this subject one of two things will happen, a) He will be embarassed because he isn’t satisfied with where he is at and retreat. b) He will think you are a gold digger and retreat. Easy enough?
4. Don’t present them with a resume. Obviously, I don’t mean literally. What do I mean? Don’t treat a date like a job interview. There will be plenty of time for him to discover what kind of talents and wonderful traits you have. Milk it. The more you pile on, the less it means. He may even think you are embellishing the truth.
5. Don’t talk about sex. It’s fine to be open about sex, but not on the first three dates. If you talk about sex, he will think you are an easy slut and/or not acceptable to “take home to meet the parents”. This includes “I love sex!”, “I’m not into sex.”, and even “Sex? I’m a virgin.” Don’t share about this stuff. Trust me.

Be cautious of what you say. Every man and woman has a bad experience that sticks with them when it comes to dating. There is always one insecure rotten apple that created a nightmare for you. We tend to keep those at the top of our memory log and compare them actively with the women/men we meet. Be aware that these red flags create an unconditional need to retreat.

More translations to come!