How do you know when a man is interested?

Posted on March 24, 2008 by whatmenthink

The stranger behind you in line at the grocery story starts chatting with you. You find him mildly attractive. Is he hitting on you? Is he going to ask you out? Is he even interested? If you’ve been in this situation, you know the questions that are flying through your mind. How can you tell when a man is hitting on you? As a guy, I’ve taken plenty of opportunities at the grocery store to approach an attractive girl. If she is standing by the melons, I might ask her how to discern the ripeness of the fruit (even though I already know how). From the girl’s perspective, I’m a random guy asking a harmless question. How could she possibly know that I was hitting on her. Very simple. Here’s the truth that will set you free.

Men don’t like to chat. Period.

Generally speaking, men aren’t looking to chat when they go to the grocery store. We might chat amongst guy friends about politics, the economy, or sports, but when we speak to women its a different story. If I don’t find a girl attractive, I would rather punch myself in the face than start a conversation with her . Sad, but true.

So the general rule of thumb. If a stranger approaches you with some harmless conversation, he is fishing. He’s trying to do one of two things. Figure out if he likes the content as much as the package OR Figure out if you might be interested. HOWEVER, don’t start assuming that every guy who talks to you thinks you are the hottest piece of meat on the market. Men like the rule of large numbers. Until we actually ask you out, don’t count on anything.

At least in knowing this, you can increase your chances of scoring a good date. If you find the guy attractive, drop him a flirtatious hint. The game of courtship is in full season. Enjoy yourselves!

Filed under: First Encounters | Tagged: , , , ,

Don’t ask a man what he thinks about women’s fashion. »

19 Responses to “How do you know when a man is interested?”

  1. jasonast, on March 24th, 2008 at 5:26 pm Said:

    Very interesting. I can’t tell you how many women I meet who say they never get approached. NEWS FLASH GIRLS, being approached doesn’t always look like you think it should!

    On that note, a good girl-friend of mine, Donya, has made these exact comments to me several times. I decided to see it for myself. Sure enough, I went out to some clubs with her one weekend and several guys tried to make small talk with her, but she failed to notice.

    Wake up ladies!!

  2. whatmenthink, on March 24th, 2008 at 7:21 pm Said:

    Thank you for affirming my point Jason.
    “Wake up ladies!” indeed.

  3. aporia, on March 24th, 2008 at 9:34 pm Said:

    “If I don’t find a girl attractive, I would rather punch myself in the face than start a conversation with her .” How true is this? Not that i consider myself unattractive, but rather it surprises me the importance of looks to men somehow exceeds my thoughts.

  4. whatmenthink, on March 25th, 2008 at 12:03 am Said:

    To clarify, this refers to initiating a conversation with a stranger. If the girl isn’t attractive to me, why would I go out on a limb to approach her? This isn’t as much about the physical appearance as it is about the necessary attraction to overcome the stranger barrier.

    **EDIT**
    The initial response was done on my iPhone, but to expand upon this idea further. Aporia, physical is very important to men on first contact. 100%! We have nothing else to go on. That doesn’t mean that remains true as we get to know the person, but it definitely needs to be there at the start.

  5. brenda, on March 25th, 2008 at 12:10 am Said:

    Well, I guess there have been men that make small talk with me, but many times, they don’t. Why? Because I sense the interest and looks, etc. and I don’t want them to approach me, because they don’t appear to be someone I’d want to get to know. So I send out the “stay-away-from-me” vibe and they do in fact stay away. As much as we don’t like it, looks play a role. But it’s not personal if someone doesn’t prefer your look or doesn’t feel any chemistry, it’s just the way things go sometimes. But it still feels crappy if you felt something and they didn’t.

    Last time I had a stranger show interest in me was a few nights ago. I was sitting in my car at a local shop, adjusting the stereo or something or other, and this really cute guy came walking past, and he stared at me and I stared back and then, he SMILED. It was nice :) Too bad I wasn’t outside the car :) Damn!

  6. whatmenthink, on March 25th, 2008 at 3:41 am Said:

    Your right. It does feel crappy if you felt someone and they didn’t. I think its best to be cordial in our relations with the opposite sex. There are tactful ways of letting someone know you aren’t interested. Ignoring them or being cold isn’t the best way to spare someone’s feelings. I personally respect honesty. Your not feeling my vibe? Just say so. No harm done.

  7. jetcetera, on March 25th, 2008 at 5:36 am Said:

    that’s right. men don’t chat for chat’s sake. there’s always a motive there. no offense but i’m not sure if the how-do-you-know-if-the-melon-is-ripe approach will work though. i mean, the girl would probably get a clue because there’s obviously a high probability that you already know. a my six-year-old brother already knows.
    how about approaching her saying : “Nice melons!”
    her reaction to that double meaning statement would automatically give you a clue of her mindset. let the pun be a tool. of course, you have to think of a good reply after she says: “excuse me!”
    then again, that’s me. great post…

  8. whatmenthink, on March 25th, 2008 at 5:46 am Said:

    jetcetera!
    HAHA Nice Melons! Pure Gold!
    I have had success with my methods, but I know there is always room for improvement. Thanks for the input.

  9. brenda, on March 25th, 2008 at 11:09 am Said:

    If a guy said “nice melons” to me, I’d assume he’d be trying to pick me up for sexual purposes, so if that was your aim, you’d be right to say something like that.

    BUT, if you were interested in actually developing an emotional connection as well, I don’t think that would be the thing to say right off the bat :) In my humble opinion.

  10. whatmenthink, on March 25th, 2008 at 2:18 pm Said:

    “Nice melons” is referring to the fruit, and not the girls breasts. I think jetcetera was talking about a scenario like this:

    M: “nice melons”

    W: “Excuse me???”

    M: “Oh, These honeydews are some nice meloms”

    W: “oh… he he he… i thought you were talking to me”

    I personally haven’t used an approach like this, but it seems interesting and comedical.

  11. brenda, on March 25th, 2008 at 9:41 pm Said:

    “her reaction to that double meaning statement would automatically give you a clue of her mindset.”

    but he does indicate that there is a double meaning, sweetheart :)

  12. whatmenthink, on March 25th, 2008 at 9:43 pm Said:

    I think it really depends on the lady and the mail suitor. Honestly, if your are handsome enough, you can get away with anything. As a general reccomendation, I would agree that this is off mark. I wouldn’t reccomend this to any males attempting to start a converstaion with a lady. I might try it out of curiousity lol.

  13. Fashion Sensei, on March 26th, 2008 at 12:47 am Said:

    I want someone to say “nice mellons” to me.

    Thanks for adding me to your blogroll. :D

  14. wolfshowl, on March 28th, 2008 at 6:33 pm Said:

    Hmmm, what about if you work in public service? For instance, I’m a librarian. Sometimes the male patrons chat with me. Is the chatting always interest or is it just how he is with people who work with the public? We [myself and the other female librarians] generally assume the chattiness is just their personality. Sometimes though, there’s obvious flirting. Example:

    Male Patron: “Where’d you like me to put my book?”
    Me [slightly distracted, pointing]: “Could you put it in the slot for me please?”
    Male Patron [grinning]: “Oh, I’d be glad to put it in your slot.”
    Me: nervous laugh……

  15. whatmenthink, on March 28th, 2008 at 6:42 pm Said:

    Wow…. well the example seems to be quite clear. (maybe a bit too forward and borderline sexual harassment).

    Because you are working and you are a resource for library patrons, I would reccomend you always assume they are not hitting on you.

    I’m interested to hear more of your stories. There must be plenty more instances where patrons were sexually forward given the “sexy librarian” stereo types in the media.

    Thanks for your input.

  16. wolfshowl, on March 28th, 2008 at 9:32 pm Said:

    Oh the sexy librarian isn’t just a stereotype; it’s a fact. ;-) In all seriousness, my friends say librarians like me are where the stereotype came from. So I can’t entirely blame the flirting male patrons…..and sometimes I play back. I mean, really, libraries are full of possibilities for doulbe entendres–my favorite type of flirting. More stories? Here’s one.

    We slide the patron’s id cards. This guy had been flirty while I’d helped him out. I slid his card through (fast) and it didn’t go.
    Me: “Oh, hold on, it didn’t take.”
    Him: “Maybe it likes it slow”
    Me: “Trust me, it likes it fast.” [accompanied by a smile]
    Him: raises eyebrows and laughs

  17. whatmenthink, on March 28th, 2008 at 9:40 pm Said:

    Wow… LOL Thats pretty intense.

  18. brenda, on March 29th, 2008 at 2:29 pm Said:

    Hello wolfshowl, fellow librarian :)

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