What men think about “clubbing”.

“Clubbing” (or going to a night club) is a popular way to meet other singles. I don’t think it is a good method to meet someone, but it is a popular method none-the-less. On any given weekend, you will find clubs full of young drunk singles participating in the most Neanderthal courtship traditions. Just as the men of the “Stone Age” clubbed women and took them back to their caves, you will find modern men clubbing (buying cocktails) for young women to take back to their caves (studio apartments with IKEA furniture). Although most singles say that they would never date someone they met at a club, their actions at the club seem contradictory.

“Very True WMT! I would never go to a club to meet men. I just go to dance!”

Oh, I’m sorry. Did I steal the words out of your mouth? Yes. I know. Girls love to dance. In fact, even some men love to dance. I like to dance. However, i think it’s rare that men say, “Let’s go dancing!“

So, what do men think about clubbing? You and your girlfriends may be there to dance and have a great time, but what about the men? What about that [creepy] guy at the bar holding a beer and watching the crowd? Is he there to dance and have a good time? Men go clubbing for different reasons than women. Knowing these differences might help you understand those confusing encounters at the bar.

1. Dancing is not the objective. Even for those men who enjoy dancing, I can guarantee that dancing is not their primary objective in the club. Men go clubbing to see hot girls, dance with hot girls, and to meet hot girls. Period. This is quite evident when you see the drunk-humpers on the dance floor. You know the guys I’m referring to. They nonchalantly slide behind you and commence to rub their junk on your trunk.
2. A drink is an invitation. A man buys you a drink. What does this mean in Man Talk? A drink is an extended invitation to converse with the man. If you accept the drink, he will take this to mean that you are interested in speaking with him. After buying you a drink, he might ask for your number or ask if you’d like to dance. Some men are retarded and crude, but most men do not think that buying you a cocktail is an invitation to sex. So, don’t treat them like it is. (BUT if the man is retarded and does think that, you can return the drink in his face.)
3. Pack Mentality! Women travel in herds and men travel in packs. Women are very wary when they enter a nightclub. They will band together and look out for each other (sometimes a bit excessively). However, men are quite aware of this protective herding. They travel in packs and duos to break down these defenses. Men will “Take one for the team!” What does this mean? They will act interested in other “Herd Members” to distract the defensive herd mentality so that one maverick alpha male can pursue. It might sound horrible, but remember point #1. Men aren’t clubbing to dance. The best way to combat this is to loosen up and let each woman make her own choices. Don’t be a “Cock Blocker”. If you try to “defend” your girl friend, you might end up with the “wingman” who isn’t really interested in you.

Clubbing is truly the Meat Market of singles dating (the alcohol and party drugs don’t help). I leave you with a bit of humor from JustKiddingFilms.
This is R rated comedy. Do not watch if you are easily offended by sexual innuendo and profanity.

What men think of “Made of Honor” (Film Review)

[Photo Credit: Sony Pictures]

** Warning: This post contains spoilers for the film “Made of Honor”. **

A film about a man being a “M.O.H.” (Maid of Honor)? I couldn’t resist. Even without watching the film, I could already imagine the hilarious situations. Enamored and jealous male friend at the bachelor-ette party. Confused man choosing color schemes and table linens. The fact that I have so many female friends, contrary to the counsel of Leykis 101, made me wonder if I could end up in this situation!

The basic plot of the film is obvious:

1. Female lead has a best friend that is a man.
2. They love each other, but don’t know it and/or can’t admit it.
3. Hilarity and sappy romance ensue.

I was a bit concerned that Patrick Dempsey’s character, “Tom”, would end up being emasculated the entire film and then end up with the girl. He would be very sensitive and effectively hand his testicles over to the girl on a silver platter. This wasn’t really the case. Tom starts off being a “Man’s Man”. He is a womanizer who operates on a set of strict guidelines (similar to Tom Leykis). Then, when he realizes that he is in love with his best friend, he tries to win her over by being the “Best M.O.H.”. He ends up doing all the womanly things better than most women. However, this doesn’t win over the girl. “Cheers!” He doesn’t actually win the girl over until he goes back to being a man. But instead of being a womanizer, he acts as I prescribe in “What men SHOULD think!”

I was so happy to see that an over-sensitive, pussified male wasn’t the hero of this film. Instead, they told the truth. Men need to act like men (not boys). Men are assertive, responsible, and stand up for the things and people they believe in and care for.

To my male readers: This isn’t a bad film to watch if you are forced to watch a chick-flick. There are many scenes for the men.

WMT: He’s over you.

“Why do men get over a break up faster than women?”

Most of the search engine terms that direct traffic to my blog have something to do with this subject. Women ask, “How can he be over me so quickly?” or “Why is it easier for men to get over a break up?” Apparently, the romantic resilience of men is baffling to women. I attempted to explain this in an earlier post, but I removed it when I immediately disagreed with my own writing. Hopefully, my second attempt will be more fruitful.

**These reasons are assuming the following: (a) You dated for an extended period of time. (b) You broke up and he already seems to be over you.

The Reason(s):

1. He never “really” liked you. Its true. Sometimes you have to accept it; it being, “He wasn’t that into you.” Men will get into meaningless relationships for sex, comfort, and even amusement. Although not all men are like this, I think we have all been like this at one point in our lives. That means that these men are always out there, but with different faces.
2. He “really” liked you. Most men would prefer not to show a weak and emotional side to their ex-girlfriends. Instead of letting on how much they miss their “Ex” or how depressed they are, they act as if it doesn’t matter. At times, they will over act. If you were in a 2 year relationship and he acts as if this happens every morning, he might be hiding his true feelings. However, this doesn’t mean that you can go kiss him and everything will return to normal. The relationship ended for a reason. He is hiding his emotions from you, because he doesn’t want to share them with you. Don’t pry for self-satisfaction!
3. He caught the perfect “Rebound”. Every once in a while, you will see a basketball player grab the ball of the rebound and dunk it hard. This is also true in the game of dating. “Being on the rebound” is a common term for most of the dating community. However, we often equate this to short-meaningless relationships to nurse our wounds after a more serious relationship. This is not always the case. At times, a pair may “hookup” on the rebound and find something amazing. Whether it be sexual chemistry, personality compatibility, etc., it is compounded by the emotions of “being on the rebound” and turns into something quite serious.
4. Turning a new leaf. Many times, good people find themselves in unhealthy relationships. They lose their ambition, self-worth, and morals. I do not know why certain people bring the “best of us” out and others bring the “worst of us” out. However, I do know that breaking out of a destructive relationship will often go hand-in-hand with a drastic change in lifestyle. For men, this “turning a new leaf” can consume our linear thinking minds. We will engross ourselves in study, work, or self-improvement. Rather than exhibiting emotional neediness or sadness after a breakup, we show signs of personal progress. However, that growth is fueled by the emotions of the break up–albeit negative emotions.
5. Dazed and Confused. Sometimes(most times), it is all four(and more) combined. It seems complicated, but it should be. Its a break up.

Now, if you are a woman who is reading this post and looking for answers on “why your ex is acting the way he is”, you may have found great insight in this post. But, I ask you to look a little deeper. Don’t these ideas apply to both men and women?

He may appear to be perfectly fine, but then again, so do you. Stop asking questions and get on with your life!

WMT: “Use ‘n’ Abuse ‘Em.”

**DISCLAIMER: Please, read this post in it’s entirety, from beginning to end.

This is not a new concept to the game of dating. Men all around the world prescribe to this ideology. Tom Leykis is a radio personality who propagates this idea through his nationally syndicated talk show. To give you an idea of just how popular this idea is, the Tom Leykis Show is ARBITRON rated #1 for males 18-54 in Los Angeles and a top ranked show in many metropolitan areas.

For a large portion of my college years, I followed the rules of “Leykis 101“(check this link to see the rules) and it worked very well. As Tom would say, “I got more ass than a toilet seat”. Let me go ahead and say, “If you are looking for maximum sexual encounters for minimal effort, this is definitely the way to go.” People like to argue that Tom Leykis doesn’t know what he is talking about, but they are wrong. I know this from first-hand experience.

However, there are some underlying principles that are necessary for his teachings to work.

1. You are not looking for a relationship. This is only about sex. You do not believe in marriage, having children, or commitment.
2. You target attractive females who lackself-esteem. Sadly, this isn’t hard to find.
3. You do not value women for more than their physical appearance.
4. You are confident in your superiority to the women you meet.
5. You NEVER break the rules of Leykis 101 for any reason. Period.

If you are a female reader and you are thinking, “This would never work on me!”, let us evaluate the former statement :

1. Have you ever found yourself sleeping with a complete jerk? You may have unknowingly fallen prey.
2. Do you like “Bad Boys” instead of dorky, sweet “Nice Guys”? You have definitely fallen prey.
3. If neither of the previous are true, you are probably a confident and mature woman. Unfortunately, many times it takes a lot of bad experiences from #1 and #2 to get where you are.
4. There are women who are intelligent, wise, and savvy at an early age. However, my experience dictates that these women are few and rare. How many of you women have a girl friend that makes the wrong choices over and over again?

The men who follow Leykis 101 avoid women of 25 years of age (but over 18-years-old) and older. Why?

1. Women in their early 20s are usually going through a lot of emotional changes and personal growth. They easily fall prey to low self-esteem and self-doubt. They are young and beautiful. The two characteristics make them ideal targets.
2. Women in their early 20s have less romantic experience. They can be naive, idealistic and easily tricked into bed.

Obviously, I no longer prescribe to Leykis 101, because of my new found Christian beliefs. However, I do respect Tom Leykis for one thing. He is honest. He encourages men to be up front and let the women know there is no chance for a relationship. He publicly shares his views to men and women alike, allowing women to learn from his talk show (they rarely do). I believe he is entitled to think and act as he pleases. You cannot change his mind by rhetoric, reasoning or argument. He is very intelligent and his thoughts are perfectly in line with his personal beliefs/morals. We cannot judge him for that. Even as a Christian, I do not judge him. Freedom of choice is a foundational belief to Christianity. If it were not so, Satan would have been destroyed upon his rebellion, right?

So, why do I share these thoughts with you?

1. Many beautiful women have low self-esteem because their sisters tear them down out of jealousy. This is sad.
2. It is important to understand how these men think, so that you can avoid becoming their next sexual adventure.
3. It is important to know that you cannot change/fix these men.
4. You must value yourself so that you will not find yourself being “Used ‘n’ Abused”.

**If you are posting a comment before reading the entire post, go back and read it all. I will not validate your angry and ignorant remarks if you haven’t heard(read) me out.

WMT: Thank you!

I started “What men think.” blog 38 days ago!

I celebrated 5500+ hits and 322 comments to date!

Thank you to dadshouse for getting my blog onto alltop.com and blogged.com!

Thank you Cara Hurley for allowing me to guest post for you!

Thank you Andrew @ BuzzYeah.com for the inspiration to start blogging.

Thank you to all my readers!

Cheers to a great start and a even greater future!

P.S. All you lurkers (readers who don’t comment), I can see you visiting my blog! Stop lurking and join the fun by leaving a comment. You don’t even need an account to leave a comment.

Why men look. Why men stare.

“Oh my God! That guy totally looked down my shirt!”

“He was seriously staring at my Ass as I walked away.”

While some women enjoy the admiring glances (or stares), other women simply detest it. (Although sometimes it differs depending on the attractiveness of the male admirer.) So, why do men look? Why do men stare? Are they perverts? Are they constantly thinking about sex? what’s the deal?

The truth of the matter is that men have an innately instilled behavior to visually inspect women. Its a reflex rather than a conscious choice. Now, men are able to suppress this reflex if they make a conscious effort, but most often they are caught off guard. Staring on the other hand is at times conscious and at other times not. Usually, a man can avert his eyes when he realizes where he’s wandered. (But there are the rare instances that a woman is so captivating, a man cannot help himself.)

Sadly, women often treat men as animals when they catch them turning to look or shifting their eyes. I can definitely understand if the man is staring/gawking in an inappropriate way, but a glance and then quickly looking away is very courteous in my opinion.

Men are visually inclined. They will turn and look if a beautiful woman enters their field of vision. Hammer the knee, up comes the leg. Thats what men think.

WMT: He called me at ? o’clock

He called you back!  Great news, right?  Well, WMT discusses the significance of when “HE” called you back.

1. 15 minutes after dropping you off. Ahhh… He called you or texted you to make sure you arrived home safely.  How sweet!  Well, it really depends.  Did he drop you off at 7pm after a nice dinner date?  Did he call you after meeting you in the club at 1am?  If a guy texts or calls after a casual dinner date, he is trying to convey his affection and concern for you.  If he texted or called late into the night, he’s definitely fishing for an opportunity for S-E-X.
2. Morning call! Did you wake up to a call or text?  This means only one of two things:  Desperate loser/stalker or enamored male admirer.  There’s a thin line between the two, and that line is your level of interest in him.
3. 3-day Rule. He waits the customary 3-days to call you.  Let’s face it.  Everyone and their mother and their grandmother seems to believe this is the secret rule.  It’s not!  It’s so widely known and publicly received, its nothing more than a ritual.  It can mean he is really interested in you and doesn’t want to scare you off, or he could simply be playing the game.  It means nothing.
4. A few weeks later. Seriously… if he waits this long, he was very lonely/horny and found your number.  Anyone with genuine interest wouldn’t need that much time.  Enough said.
5. Out of the blue. Its been months or years.  You ran into each other on the street.  He IMed you for no reason.  He messaged you on a social networking site.  Whatever the case may be.  If he didn’t find interest in you before, why is he contacting you now???  a) You are a lot hotter now and he wants to sleep with you  b) He wants to sleep with you

Just cause he calls, doesn’t mean its a good thing. I have a feeling some men may be unhappy about this post.  =) WMT keeps it real.

What men really think about body hair.

As per request by Cara Hurley, I will reveal what men really think about body hair. I find this to be an unusual topic, but I guess there is a keen interest in body hair. So, what do men really think about body hair on ladies. Body hair is a masculine trait. Higher levels of testosterone yield more bodily hair in the human form. No surprise, right? When a man views a woman in the context of sexuality, the last thing he wants to think about is another man. Here are a few tips on ways to avoid “butching up” your image with body hair.

1. Shave ‘em legs. Every woman knows to shave their legs before a sexual encounter. It could be the dead of winter, but a woman will still shave her legs before a date. It is definitely a good practice. However, I would take this a bit farther and recommend that women shave their legs in all seasons. Regardless of what time of year it is and what the weather may be like, you never know when you will have the opportunity to meet a man. Hairy legs? A definite turn off.
2. Shave ‘em pits. In the mid-90s, I visited South Korea on a church mission trip to teach English. My colleagues and I had a difficult time remembering all the names of the people we were working with. So, we decided to make up English nicknames for them. There was one girl who had the bushiest armpits I have ever seen. We affectionately named her “George of the Jungle”. There is nothing more disturbing than going for a high-five and coming face to face with a mass of armpit hair. Possibly, the worst turn off.
3. I like your mustache. It makes you look distinguished. Facial hair is also quite disturbing. During my Academy days (I attended a private Christian high school), we noticed one of the women’s dormitory deans sported a 5 o’clock shadow. We later learned that she shaved her face on the regular. GROSS. Seriously… if you have that kind of problem, wax and bleach. Shaving will only create unsightly stubble.
4. Chest hair and lower back hair. Low cut shirt and a hint of chest hair? Not a turn on. Also, my friend has encountered long, unsightly hairs on the nipples of a one-night stand. When he shared this horror with me, i couldn’t help but be disgusted. Thats simply gross! I mean, if you have them, you could at least pluck them! The lower back hair? Its terrible when a girl gets a tattoo on her lower back, but fails to remove the body hair adorning it. Why would you get a tattoo and draw attention to your back-stache?
5. The Brazilian. When it comes to the pubic region, the less to see the better. I know the ladies will argue about this, but men simply prefer less. Body hair is masculine. We would prefer not to see a jungle of hair before coitus. Seriously.

When in doubt? Wax. Pluck. Shave. Bleach.  Lose it all.

Cara made me do it!!!

WMT: The Friend Zone!

I loved this episode of Scrubs Season 1.  The visualization of the infamous “Friend Zone” was hilarious and metaphorically correct.  So, what do men think of the friend zone?  Well, it really depends on the man.  While most men want to avoid it at all costs, others are quite comfortable in escaping this “Dater’s Alcatraz”.  Women usually place you in the “Friend Zone” within the first few weeks of meeting you.  If they aren’t attracted to you in any way, shape or form, it might happen as soon as 30 seconds.  Some women flirt with the idea of a romantic relationship for a bit longer.

So, what can men do to avoid the “Friend Zone”?  Simple.  Be assertive!  Make your intentions clear, but not in a creepy, stalker way.  Be casual and natural, not intense and cheesy.  Women are always wary of men’s intentions, so you don’t have to be overtly obvious.  They are analyzing your every move and word.  Seriously.  Every word.  A playful remark goes farther a physical grope.  Trust me.  Once you’ve made your intentions clear, the women will be sure to let you know how she feels about this (when she figures it out).  She will start with subtle communication and increase her intensity until she feels her message is communicated.  The whole “She led me on” excuse is bogus.  Men, be perceptive.  Sadly, so many men are not perceptive that some women have resorted to skipping the subtleties and moving on to a rude remark or action.

Women.  Lets talk about the men that inhabit your Friend Zone and discuss whether or not they are “Safe”:
Very Safe——Safe——Neutral——Risky——Very Risky

These are generalized statements.  There are exceptions to every rule.  However, not everyone is an exception.

LIKE A BROTHER:
This is a guy that you have known for an extended period of time.  You probably wore diapers together or played with at recess in grammar school.  We will qualify this friend as someone you met before high school.  He knows of your past relationships.  He knows your family.  He knows your secret craziness or bitchiness.  He knows everything about you, except what you look like naked.  How safe is this guy?  Safe. If he didn’t notice you were a female during his raging hormonal period of adolescence, he most likely won’t be attracted to you now.  You have an established relationship and you can count on him to be an actually platonic friend.

THE GAY FRIEND:
Very Safe. No explanation needed right?

“WE ALMOST DATED BUT DIDN’T” FRIEND:
Whether spoken or unspoken, there were mutual feelings at some point in time.  However, the moment passed and you found comfort in each other’s company as friends.  You both enjoy eating the occasional dinner together and have no issues relying on each other as a reliable back-up date for a public event.  Neutral. If a guy was attracted to you at some point in time, he has no idea if it will flare up again.  Its really unpredictable.  However, he stopped for a reason the first time, so you have some what of a barrier there.  Boundaries should be established and observed.  Safety first.

HE USED TO LIKE ME FRIEND:
a) He still likes you.  b) He could still like you if he wanted.  VERY RISKY. Enough said.

THE EX:
The Ex is a great friend.  You’ve shared intimate time together, so there is a level of comfort established.  Risk level?  Risky. You broke up, so you know it doesn’t work between the two of you.  However, you were in a relationship at one point.  You are playing with fire here.  Nostalgia, alcohol, and loneliness will spell disaster for this friendship.

THE FRIEND’S EX:
That great guy that dated a close friend, but it didn’t work out.  You spent a lot of time counseling him during his relationship with your friend.  In spite of the break-up, you still remain close to this guy and hold him in high esteem.  Very Risky. Surprise!  One or both of you are lying.  There’s an attraction there and the only barrier holding you back is guilt.

DEFINITE NO ATTRACTION FRIEND:
You definitely don’t find him attractive.  He definitely doesn’t find you attractive.  Its totally clear.  ABSOLUTELY NO SEXUALITY.  This classification is not complicated.  You just know.  If you don’t know for sure… wrong classification. Very Safe.

THERE ARE SO MANY MORE LABELS AND SCENARIOS.  THE FRIEND ZONE IS A COMPLICATED PLACE AND AN ENTIRE BOOK COULD BE WRITTEN ON IT (AND HAS), BUT I HOPE THIS WAS HELPFUL.

** I’m laughing right now as I imagine my female friends reading this.  WMT is always the exception…. or am I? =P

What men think about “Your place.”

Let’s get practical!  What does a man think when he steps into your home?  Most women are already aware of how their clothing affect their appearance to a man.  (Sadly, some are quite confused in what men look for in fashion as well)  But what about your apartment?  Does it matter if you buy everything from IKEA?  Does he care that you took months and years to perfect the color scheme and Feng-Shui?  Just as in fashion, men will differ in what they like to see at a girl’s home.  However, I can guarantee a few things you should definitely avoid!

Modern, IKEA, Sanitized look. It isn’t necessarily terrible to have modern art as furniture.  White and black color schemes with primary color accents isn’t terrible either.  However, what we want to avoid is creating a non-livable environment.  Unless the man has OCD and loves sterile environments, this type of decor will only make him feel uncomfortable.  He won’t be able to relax.  He may even suspect you to be crazy or insanely neurotic.

Roseanne’s interior design. Seriously?  Walking into your place should not be reminiscent of a 1980’s - 1990’s sitcom set!  Plaid print, dingy carpet, and tacky fixtures are a big turn off.  Rustic and vintage furniture is cool, but it isn’t vintage until 40 or so years have passed.  If you are in your mid-twenties or thirties, your furniture should not have been manufactured during your childhood.

I just moved out of the dormitory look. For all you recent graduates, break the dormitory habits.  Do you own a twin size bed?  Do you have space efficient desk-bookshelf-storage-in-one furniture?  Call your local thrift store and get rid of it please.  Nobody wants to date a man-child/woman-child.

Friends.  Ross and the dirty girl. Anyone who knows me in person knows that I watched the Sitcom FRIENDS fanatically.  I own the entire series on DVD (Collectors Edition of course).  There is an episode where Ross meets a very attractive girl (played by a Victoria Secret model), but her apartment is disgustingly messy.  Don’t be that girl.  No matter how hot you are, this will instantly disqualify you!  I know this seems like a no-brainer, but remember that everyones idea of clean is different.  You should ask your friends for honest opinions.  Are you up to par?

Kitchen paradise! Even if you don’t cook often, I find a well stocked and furnished kitchen is a great asset for any home.  If you date someone who loves to cook, they will fall in love with your place.  They will probably become a visiting chef!  If they don’t like to cook, they will definitely be impressed by your culinary expertise.  This is more a personal note.  I would like some feedback on what others think when they see a beautiful kitchen.

Today’s list of 5 is complete!  Cheers!  Have a great weekend.

WMT: Why men cheat.

Sami Asked:
“so…the age old question…..why do men cheat? More specifically, when they have found ‘the one’ (I am the only person he says that he has truly EVER REALLY LOVED)…but i recently discovered he had been cheating on me. We talked about it and he explained that he had been doing that allhislife, and that to him it was the same as going to get a massage (no emotions attached at all)….I have a hard time trying to REALLY understand this, I know he loves me and I know he has vowed to never do it again b/c he doesn’t want to lose me. He said he was simply being selfish before and not thinking about how I would feel…any insight???”

Sami. Relationships are built on trust. Can you honestly trust him now? If you can, thats amazing and you have an amazing and forgiving heart. However, most people would not be able to trust someone after infidelity. Sometimes, given some time they might, but immediately after an incident it is unlikely.

“I am the only person he says that he has truly EVER REALLY LOVED”

I find this comment a bit unsettling. Let’s assume that he is 100% sincere and this is the truth. Is this the best his “Love” can offer? Infidelity. I’m pretty sure its just a line, but obviously I don’t know all the facts of your relationship. It is impossible for me to accurately speculate given the limited information.

My honest opinion? He might care for you, but he certainly doesn’t respect you and your relationship. Perhaps, he cares very much for you, but he isn’t ready for monogamy? Either way, it isn’t often that a relationship can survive infidelity. Period.

“so…the age old question…..why do men cheat?”

First, a man cheating is his own decision.  No one forces him to cheat and no one is responsible for seducing him to cheat.  A man is responsible for his own actions.  I wanted to preface what I say with that.

Second, many times the reasons men cheat are the same reasons women cheat.  Something to think about.

1. Inadequacy. Every man or women should understand this.  Both men and women have either witnessed or experienced first hand the folly of seeking solace/affirmation in the opposite sex.  The only difference?  Women who seek to fulfill the inadequacies with men are deemed as whores, sluts and skanks.  Whereas men are simply womanizers or pimps.  If a man is cheating, inadequacy can definitely be a contributing factor.  He can try to fulfill that void with more women or another woman, but nothing can really take care of that inadequacy but himself.  I would recommend that the man or woman who struggles with this take a long period of single life.   Learn to be happy without anyone and you will be much happier when you are with someone.
2. Sexual Starvation. Some of you may remember my unpopular post on what men think about sex. Many of you expressed discontent with my views.  My female readership adamantly opposed the idea of putting the man’s sexual appetite first.  I’m okay with people disagreeing with me.  I expect it.   I want to revisit this idea once more.  I’ll start by asking the question, “Which gender is more patient when it comes to sexual appetite?”  Are women generally the ones who become impatient and frustrated?  Are women the one who need to have sex more?  Lets not talk specific people.  Lets not talk exceptions to the rule.  Lets talk generally.  Lets talk majority of men and women.  I have to say that men hunger for sex much more than women.  PERIOD.  Are women sexual?  YES.  Do they also have a appetite for sex and NEED stimulation?  YES. But its inherently different from men.  Women hunger for sex like a person craves a delicious dish.  They enjoy it in that manner.  Savoring it, enjoying it.  Men hunger for sex like a person who longs to use the restroom.  Sooner or later, its gotta happen.  Sexual starvation in a relationship will definitely lead to the relationships demise.
3. Seeking variety. Some of you might be thinking, “No way, I had sex with that guy all the time and he still cheated on me!”  “Its definitely #1  He’s a prick”  Actually, its never just one thing and no list can satisfy the millions of reasons.  But lets say you had sex on the regular.  What gives?  As I stated in the post concerning what men think about sex, sexual affirmation for men is like a verbal affirmation for women.  Having sex isn’t enough.  It is like a man saying the same thing every morning.  “Good morning sweetheart.”  The first time he said it, your heart might have fluttered a bit.  However, three years later, probably not.  Having the same regular sex over and over again is the same thing.  Your relationships are joint journeys, make sure your sex life isn’t lagging behind.
4. He never really liked you. Perhaps you were the one he cheated with, and later the one he cheated on.  This is mostly driven by the same fuel as #1.  The difference?  He didn’t care for you at all.  Just another notch on the belt.
5. He stopped finding you attractive. After many years of marriage, men and women both slip a bit in aesthetics department.  However, men are more visual than women.  Women may wish that their husbands would stay in shape and look good, but Men NEED their wives to stay in shape and look good.  If you were a hottie at marriage, but turned into a lane bryant shopper…   Enough said.  Should you stay in shape for yourself as well?  OF COURSE.  But I’m talking about dating and relationships here.  Taking care of yourself shows self-respect and also a respect for the person you will see every day for the rest of your life.

WMT: Maybe he’s lost interest?

I apologize for the lack of posts in the past week.  Many things are happening at work and in my personal life that have thwarted my attempts at writing a decent post.

5 Warning Signs.  “Warning signs of what?”  A man isn’t that into you.  Men may date and even sleep with women after their attractions start to wane.  Again.  Sad, but true.  Men, it’s better to be straight with her and rip that band-aid of quickly.  Don’t drag it on.  Ladies, here are 5 signs that he’s feelings may be dying out.  This list will pertain more to dating singles than any another group.

1. He no longer likes to do things that you enjoy. This sign is hard to decipher and requires a bit of explanation.  For example: If he always enjoyed cooking as do you, this does not pertain.  I am referring to activities you may have introduced him to.  Perhaps, you introduced him to country music and he seemed to enjoy it (although he hadn’t listened to it previously).  The truth is, he probably just enjoyed spending time with you and didn’t care much for the music.  If he is suddenly annoyed by the Dixie Chicks playing in your car, he may be feeling a bit distant as well.  This isn’t really a blanket rule, because sometimes you may introduce him to things he genuinely likes.  He may continue to like these new things but still have faltering feelings for you.  But as stated, this can be a warning sign.
2. No cuddling after Sex. This is for those of you who are sexually active.  #2 is a bit intertwined with #1, but a bit more specific.  Men really do enjoy cuddling, but not with someone they no longer have feelings for.  They may still enjoy having the sex, but the cuddling is no longer welcome.
3. He starts defining the relationship in restrictive terms. Men would rather not talk about “where this is going”.  If he starts bringing this up in a positive way, he’s probably really into you.  However, if he starts saying things like, “It’s not like this is an exclusive relationship.” or “Well, we haven’t been dating that long.”  or “I don’t think we are that serious yet.”  Guess what?  He’s probably already thinking, “Open relationship”, “We won’t be dating much longer”,  and “We aren’t serious at all.”
4. He’s suddenly very busy. He may have not been very busy at the beginning, but suddenly he is unreachable.  Anytime you voice a disappointment in not spending enough time together, he retorts that its out of his control because he is so busy.  Now, there are times when people get busy at work. Right?  However, I don’t know if we are ever so busy we can’t call.  It’s understandable to be busy for a few months and skip some dates, but if he’s too busy to call.  Head’s up!
5. Mr. Angry-Sensitive. Men love to not have that break-up conversation!  We hate it.  So, Mr. Angry-Sensitive can be a ploy to avoid that conversation.  What is Mr. Angry-Sensitive?  Well, this is when the man becomes very upset about an off-hand remark or opinion.  He will construe it into a personal attack against him, his family, his religion, etc.  AND the clincher?  He will make it seem that the relationship is over because of you. 
   Example: Lady: “I don’t really like Mexican food.”  Man: “Wow.  You are saying you don’t like the entire cuisine of Mexico?  Thats a pretty harsh statement.   I didn’t realize you were so racist.  I’m not sure how I feel about that.”
   Okay, thats a bit extreme.  But I know this kind of thing does happen.  Any of you lady’s have an experience like this?

Again, these can be some signs that he’s lost interest in you, but not a definite or exact.  I would love to hear some of your dating stories about signs you have picked up over the years.

What men think about your insecurities.

Insecure. To some degree, every person has a few insecurities.  Men have insecurities just as women have insecurities.  So, what does a man think about your insecurities?  Many times a woman’s insecurities are not immediately evident.  She won’t come out and say, “I think I have too much tummy fat, so I hide it with heavy sweatshirts.”  However, when a woman does show her insecurities verbally or by action, what does a man think?  We think you are crazy!  Seriously, ladies.  If we are spending time with you or asking you on a date, we obviously have positive feelings towards you.  If whatever you are insecure about bothered us as much as you feared it did, would we even show interest in you?

“Ugh I feel fat.”
“But you aren’t fat”
“You don’t know.  I’ve gained so much weight.”
“Well, I have eyes and I’m not blind.  I don’t think you’re fat.”
“Ugh.  You don’t understand women.”

Very true.  We as men have no idea why women obsess about their “fat elbows” and “unequally sized breasts”.  Why?  Because we dont’ know what you are talking about.  How can you have fat elbows???

Now, I understand that you can’t just change how you feel about these things.  Sometimes, you’ve told yourself these lies for so long you actually believe them.  So, men have to be supportive and tell you over and over, “You aren’t fat.   You are beautiful.”   Unfortunately, guess what?  There’s a limit.  Men will get fed up with validating insecurities that they can’t understand.

A lack of positive self-image will sabotage your relationships.

What men think about “Girl’s night out”.

“Girls night out” is a common practice among ladies. Getting dressed up and going to the bars or clubs seems to be the most popular activity on these nights. When you are single, this is a great weekend activity and a fun way to meet men without having to look like a lonely, desperate woman having a cocktail alone. Men like to have their “Boys night out” as well. Single men will also get dressed up, cologned up, and actually shave to go out with their crew of buddies. Usually, they will pair off into twos as “wingmen” to scout out the flock of ladies attending their venue of choice. So, is there anything wrong with Girl’s/Boy’s night out?

Singles: NO
Couples/Married: YES

What do I have against “Girls night out”? The idea of men or women having a break from each other to spend time with their friends doesn’t bother me at all. If the woman would like to get a mani/pedi or go shopping with her gals, no problem. The problem is that most of these outings will lead to either a bar or club scene. I cannot count how many times, as a single male, I have ran into a herd of non-single woman out for girls night out. Inevitably, one or two of them will get drunk and hook up with a persistent and interested man. I know that some of you are thinking, “Thats not me! I just go to dance.” Stop lying to yourself! If you want to dance, enroll in an evening dance class. Not only will you learn how to dance better, you will have fun with the girls. Right? “Well, its nice to get dressed up and go out.” There it is! The truth. The truth is that ladies want to go out looking nice and receiving admiration from men. Flirting with disaster. You may go out just to have that great feeling of being dressed to the nines and getting admiring glances, but be careful when you play with fire. You will get burnt. I am not opposed to girl’s night out at a restaurant, movie theater, or any other respectable venue. However, we all know what a club or bar scene is all about. If you feel a need to fulfill yourself with additional male admiration, the relationship is already on the rocks missy.

SO, what do men think of this? We know. We have been single and we have met the girl’s night out groups. We know the only thing better is meeting a drunk bachelor-ette party. Men can smell the weakness of a woman craving male attention and admiration. Sadly, if you meet a guy who is looking to get laid, you will be a prime target if you are that “lame gazelle”.

If you are in a relationship, perhaps you should avoid such outings. Men, you too. If you need time with your guy/girl friends away from your significant other, how about a round of golf or a day at the spa. But lets skip the meat market clubs and bars.

What men think: Rate that Girl!

“Rate that girl 1 to 10!” 

“Yeah! Lucy was like a Ferrari, man!  But Megan is like a Ford Focus! HA HA HA HA~”

“I would give her an ‘A’ for face and a ‘B’ for body.  Overall, she’s like a ‘B +’.”

“Yeah. She was definitely ‘Moped Status’.  Fun to ride, but embarrassing to be seen on.” 

I’m sure my female audience is fuming by this point, but I’m not here to make people feel good.  My goal is to educate you on what men think.  You may or may not understand the psyche or reasoning behind their behavior, but expecting men to change because you don’t understand them is not going to happen. Much in the same way, women are not going to change the way they think because a man doesn’t understand them.  I want to make this quite clear, because I find many of my readers arguing points that I cannot control.  Not in myself, and not in any other man.  Stop trying to change men.  You cannot make someone change.  People can only change, because they them-self wish to change and make the change.

 So, what am I trying to get at with this post?  The rating of a female based on numbers, letter grades, or analogies is quite common. Every group of guy friends has their own intricate system of rating.  Women will eventually have some interaction with a form of “Rate that Girl!”  What I hope to educate you on is the mentality behind this behavior and not the justice or reasoning.

 As I have stated many times before, men are visually oriented.  Regardless of whether he is a religious man, disciplined man, or rampant nymphomaniac, he will turn his head when a beautiful and sexy woman enters his field of vision.  This does not mean that he will continue to stare or examine.  ONLY, that he will take notice whether he wishes to or not.  The only men who do not take notice would be perhaps homosexual men, (but even they might take notice of the competition).  I really don’t care to hear your arguments on how you as a man DON’T do this or you as a woman find this offensive.  Please, refrain from commenting with that information as it is not constructive to this discussion.

 Now that we have stated that men are visual creatures, lets figure out how that correlates to this practice using ratings.  Given that men are visually oriented, they tend to have very good visual imagination (when it comes to the female face and form).  The rating system is a means for them to communicate what they have seen with eachother.  It allows them to develop a common understanding of what they as a group find attractive.  While one group of men might rate a woman at a “7/10″, a different group might view the same woman as a “4/10″.  The rating itself is relative to the group of men who have developed it.  Understanding the relativity of the rating systems in use is key in this discussion.

Women have a natural desire for verbal affirmation.  Because of this desire, they may ask a man for his “rating” of her.  Please, do not do this.  There are a few things inherently wrong with this question.  First, the rating system can rarely quantify non-physical attributes of a woman. Some ratings attempt to integrate relational value into the mental calculation, but because that is relative on an individual basis (rather than a group basis) it destroys the usability of the system.  For example, if my female friend and I are very close and my male friend asks me to describe her based on rating, I would have to give him a rating based only on her appearance.  I cannot integrate the positive experiences and associations of our relationship, because my male friend does not have those relational experiences with my female friend.  When you ask a man to to rate you, be prepared for a contaminated answer (because he does not want to give you the honest one if he is truly your friend.  It doesn’t do you justice in his eyes).  He will most likely not be fully honest, because it really isn’t a good representation of his esteem or affinity towards you as a woman.  Second, asking a man to rate you on a physical level is reverting back to step one in meeting a man, physical attraction.  Why would you want to take leaps and bounds backwards?  It is not constructive; it is destructive.

I have witnessed female friends accidentally learn how they have been rated by men and become emotionally distraught.  Sometimes they actively sought it out, and become emotionally distraught.  If either of these scenarios has happened (or happens) to you, please be knowledgeable and understanding.  Yes, men are visual and their analysis of your appearance can be a bit shocking. However, this is nothing personal towards you or how they view you as a friend.  As far as romance?  Yes, it is huge.  It might suck if you find your crush has rated you as a “3/10″, but guess what? That’s life.  Women turn men down all the time.  Women even feel entitled to sit back and wait for the man to make the first move and then reject them.  I am a firm believer in equality.  If you feel that as a woman you are entitled to say, “I’m really not attracted to you in that way”, men have the same right.  Just because their reasons are physical shouldn’t make them shallow jerks.  Men cannot help if they do not find you attractive.  PERIOD.  Again, its not something we can control and it doesn’t mean that we don’t like you or respect you as a person. 

So I say, “Fair is fair.”

(This post is dedicated to “Sliced Bread”)